she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
