Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
