Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
