My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
