and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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