Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
