I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
