it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it glows. i had to have it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
