I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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