Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
