just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
