i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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