3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
