good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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