how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
