Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
