Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize