yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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