Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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