I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
