He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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