She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
