We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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