Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
