In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
