Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
