planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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