you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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