Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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