we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
