Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
