eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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