You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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