My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
