i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
