Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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