if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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