I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
