Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
