Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
