On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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