Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
