Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
