Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
