ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
