I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
