then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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