forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
