i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
