Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
