I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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