Define "chronic" masturbator.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
