I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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