I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
