Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
