oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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