I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
4 words: hood of his car
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
false alarm, still single
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