This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
