So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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