The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
