You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ketchup is God's man juice
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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