Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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